Soul Searching And Changing

There’s nothing as excruciating than suffering in silence. As I come to think of it guilt and fear can arguably come close. even though they sting differently the effects are crippling to the mind as well.

I spent most of my free time this weekend just going through some videos online and I stumbled upon a youtube channel of a fellow brethren in the faith who gave a talk on “Finding your soul mate” as usual the topic peaked my interest but this time I was hesitant to listen to the  entire lesson. some how I kept on listening and actually found myself participating in the little interactive spaces of the presentations where Pastor Toure Roberts would say, “hey…jokingly, or tell your neighbor this….”

My outlook on relationships obviously do blend with his ideas and teachings a little; seeing that we both are Christians and base our beliefs in the teachings of the church and the instructions of the bible. Obviously there wasn’t much to disagree with until he narrated a few life experiences when he was single and dating.

He spoke of being in four separate relationships and knowing they weren’t right for him but still remained in them because he didn’t want to accept what God has shown him and also because he was selfish. He didn’t want to start all over again and he wasn’t ready to face his  own brokenness.

He described reaching a point where he decided to surrender the choice of a life partner to God. Before that He thought those four times he had to be the one to choose his spouse and have God place a stamp of approval after he has done all the work of knowing his spouse and the relationship is  heading towards marriage.

Hmm…. but it isn’t it how its suppose to be? This words left me in a mood of confusion where I was battling this new understanding and how I’ve always thought a good relationship should go.
Girl-looking-in-mirror  Instantly I started comparing notes mentally on my current relationship and what I have been doing. You know your girl felt empowered for a minute right? I was pumped and ready to make changes where necessary; be it in releasing myself completely to God to let him take the lead in the relationship or just praying about everything involving the relationship. Frankly, Its seems to be working.

For christian singles If a relationship takes precedence over God its definitely unhealthy for your spiritual growth am not saying you won’t be challenged in doing this. But if we are honest we know when God is being uplifted and we know when he isn’t. In soul searching I cannot be casual or lazy about God and giving my best work towards a relationship that is pulling me away from Him. Its either God stays and the relationship takes the form that God intended for it.

No one can serve two masters ( Mathew 6:24)