Tomorrow She is Never Again Four Years Old

jen groeber: mama art

I look at the clock and it’s 11:34 pm. I picture my newly minted five-year-old, asleep in her bed, covered with the Hello Kitty blanket I stayed up until past midnight last night to make, her hands curled under her ear, like the fiddlehead ferns she begged me to buy in the grocery store last week. I wonder, does she know that she has twenty-six minutes (now twenty) left of being in the in-between?

Because on her birthday this morning, she began as a four-year-old. And four-year-olds are young. They’re like babies. They go to pre-school. They say things like, “I liked it, but only one dot,” and everyone nods in wonderment. They are allowed to lisp. They always get right of way, whether on a bike or in a pool or playing Skipbo. Because they’re just four. And everyone else, at least everyone else in my house…

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What my mom might not know…

Jade Williford

“All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my mother”-

Moms are some of the most wonderful gifts to this Earth, but they are often taken for granted.

People say “mother knows best” and at the age of 19 this statement has yet to be proven wrong-however, I think there are some things my mom doesn’t know. So this for my mama, and all the other moms, about the things you might not know.

You might not know… that to the world you are “just a mother”, but to me you are the world.

You might not know…In the story of my life you have most of the main roles- my best friend, my hero, the advice-giver, etc. God knew what He was doing when He cast you as the leading lady.

You might not know…you make me brave. When it’s the middle of the week, and…

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Soul Searching And Changing

There’s nothing as excruciating than suffering in silence. As I come to think of it guilt and fear can arguably come close. even though they sting differently the effects are crippling to the mind as well.

I spent most of my free time this weekend just going through some videos online and I stumbled upon a youtube channel of a fellow brethren in the faith who gave a talk on “Finding your soul mate” as usual the topic peaked my interest but this time I was hesitant to listen to the  entire lesson. some how I kept on listening and actually found myself participating in the little interactive spaces of the presentations where Pastor Toure Roberts would say, “hey…jokingly, or tell your neighbor this….”

My outlook on relationships obviously do blend with his ideas and teachings a little; seeing that we both are Christians and base our beliefs in the teachings of the church and the instructions of the bible. Obviously there wasn’t much to disagree with until he narrated a few life experiences when he was single and dating.

He spoke of being in four separate relationships and knowing they weren’t right for him but still remained in them because he didn’t want to accept what God has shown him and also because he was selfish. He didn’t want to start all over again and he wasn’t ready to face his  own brokenness.

He described reaching a point where he decided to surrender the choice of a life partner to God. Before that He thought those four times he had to be the one to choose his spouse and have God place a stamp of approval after he has done all the work of knowing his spouse and the relationship is  heading towards marriage.

Hmm…. but it isn’t it how its suppose to be? This words left me in a mood of confusion where I was battling this new understanding and how I’ve always thought a good relationship should go.
Girl-looking-in-mirror  Instantly I started comparing notes mentally on my current relationship and what I have been doing. You know your girl felt empowered for a minute right? I was pumped and ready to make changes where necessary; be it in releasing myself completely to God to let him take the lead in the relationship or just praying about everything involving the relationship. Frankly, Its seems to be working.

For christian singles If a relationship takes precedence over God its definitely unhealthy for your spiritual growth am not saying you won’t be challenged in doing this. But if we are honest we know when God is being uplifted and we know when he isn’t. In soul searching I cannot be casual or lazy about God and giving my best work towards a relationship that is pulling me away from Him. Its either God stays and the relationship takes the form that God intended for it.

No one can serve two masters ( Mathew 6:24)

Future Fantastic

queer girl blogs

Coming out can feel totally unimaginable. Until, one day, it doesn’t anymore.

Sometime last summer, I was chatting with my aunt about my grandmother’s abusive marriage. My aunt once asked her mother why, when her husband was bullying the family, she didn’t just pack up and leave. My grandmother explained that she considered it, that she tried to imagine it, but “it just didn’t feel like an option.”

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The Day After the Verdict, Round 2: Yup, Still a Joke

I am highly disappointed. I see why the UN has peaked interest in this matter. One cannot help but wonder if this is an ad hoc operation to “keep the fire burning” on racism.

my name is elizabeth

Maybe this time, I thought before yesterday’s grand jury decision was announced.

Because Daniel Pantoleo, the police officer who choked Eric Garner to death on July 17, has a history of alleged race-related misconduct.

Maybe this time.

Because the NYPD forbids its members from using chokeholds — a rule that went into effect 21 years ago, long before Pantoleo was ever a cop.

Maybe this time.

Because the New York City medical coroner ruled Garner’s death a homicide.

Maybe this time.

Because the entire incident was filmed.  Because you can see in the tape, as the New York Times stated, that Garner was “not acting belligerently, posed no risk of flight, brandished no weapon and was heavily outnumbered.”  Because you can hear him say “I can’t breathe” 11 times before he dies.  Eleven.  Times.

Maybe this time.

But then the news broke.

As I tried to make sense of the decision…

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Pardon My Manners!

It would be nice to get away with things occasionally, you know sometimes you just wanna be excused without getting a reminder of what you intentionally left out. I sometimes do it. I’ll interrupt a conversation without an “excuse me” I try to get my point across, and move on. Some people may more than likely judge me right off the bat with my actions, but sometimes I just can’t be bothered.

I wouldn’t be at peace knowing I’ve disregarded protocol and manners just because I felt like it; I mean  the practise of etiquettes manners are part of our culture for good reasons, the fact that I don’t feel like it doesn’t make it non existent.

which is why I have to acknowledge my friend who I’ve known for quite a long time, who has accepted me as a young writer to be her blogging contributor. yay! thanks *Purple Diva*

So last week, This same friend posted  on her social media walls; her need of a contributor for her blog I immediately notified her of my interest here’s why; a few months back I made an attempt to start a blog myself,  but the ideas on what to write didn’t come as easily as I thought it would however, I held on to the idea privately in my head hoping that one day my skills will be put to use, and now here I am Blogging!

I  offered to take on this role knowing fully well I’ll have to be committed to the task and also  to  myself. It takes discipline to achieve all that it just doesn’t land on you or happen overnight. You have to work at it even when you don’t feel like it. Hold yourself accountable. Think of who you will be letting down and whose life you may change and influence if you keep at it.

Seeing things as just plain and simple is  a ‘cop out’ our actions have effects in the physical, emotional and spiritual realms. It is honorary to be able to see that and act based on that understanding. As much as we love to say, “life is easy” to an extent that is true but we know ‘there’s more to that, that meets the eye’ in the statement.

Do not casually do things, let it have meaning. If your heart’s not in it then what does it profit a man?

Getting It Done.

So it’s 7:21 am here, but am still rolling lazily on my bed knowing fully well that I have some tasks to complete. e.g am a business major in school I have about four business reports due this month and final exams that are just around the corner. Its not that I don’t care if I don’t pass; I really do,but I seem to be driving on ‘E’ at this point.

As much as I want to be done with these tasks my attitude towards it does not support it, and I am finding it difficult to trust myself. So here, and now I have decided to hold myself accountable for my actions. I have released the weight holding me back and pulling me away from the challenge at hand by making this public. Now I have an obligation that every one knows about. I feel like sharing this will motivate me to get serious about the projects and really get in to it before the due date.

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